Hey Asshole!

Early this morning my second assistant Carl was parking my car (a jet-black hybrid Lex. Actually, it's not so much a hybrid as it is a regular Lexus that I made Carl stick a "hybrid" logo on.) when he almost hit some guy wearing a JESUS SAVES sandwich board.

Carl was totally shaken when he got back to the office. I overheard him telling Yeng (my first assistant) about it. He's a real whiner, that kid. Finally I had to go out and give him a talking to.

"Listen," I said. "If you want to succeed in business, you never lose a game of chicken. It's like Churchill said: never back down, never back down, never back down! Or like in that video where the girl from American Idol and Keanu Reeves are drag racing. You back down, they have your nuts in a vise!"

Carl whined a little bit longer about what he was supposed to do, traffic was crazy, he couldn't just hit the gas, blah blah blah, cry me a river you freakin' Yalie!

I told him what my old professor at Bucknell U (Go Bisons!) used to say: if someone's trying to stand between you and whatever the fuck it is you want, you look 'em straight in the eye and say: Hey asshole! Have you ever read a little book I like to call THE FOUNTAINHEAD?

That's what makes this country great. Guys like me, willing to put the pedal to the metal in pursuit of the bottom line. That's why I know two things:

1) We'll break this damn strike, boys!
2) China ain't got a chance.

Your pal,

Leslie