Artie O'Laughlin, Man's Man

True story! You know how I go by "Robert A. "Bob" Iger"? Well, the "A" doesn't actually stand for anything. Way back in the day when I started here at the Mouse House, my mentor Artie O'Laughlin took me aside and said "Bob, a man just can't get anywhere in this business with a name like Bob fucking Iger. What you need is an extra syllable. Something to stretch that stuff out on your letterhead."

He sent me away for the weekend to think about it. I came back with "Louis", and Artie took the time to explain that no one, not even a bunch of lousy imagineers, would take me seriously if I walked around calling myself Bob-Louis Iger. Then I mentioned my second choice, "Woody", and he punched me in the back of the head, poured me a shot of rye, and explained that I was a fuck-up.

You just don't see mentoring of the younger folks like that anymore. Why, even when I was second in command behind Eiser, you bet your ass I wasn't hanging on his words of wisdom, I was plotting against him. That's just how it is now. Only the strong survive.

But I do appreciate the time Artie took, all those years ago, to help me understand that my oddly squared-off head, without the help of a middle initial, would doom me to a lifetime of mid-level VP gigs, always reporting to some guy with better hair and a hotter former-model trophy wife.

It's in Artie's memory that I took the phantom "A".

Just thought you guys might get a kick out of that.

Your pal,

Robert